Ministry Book Club: Boundaries

Hey everyone,

How do I set limits and still be a loving person?

What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries?

What does a legitimate boundary look like?

Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider telling someone “no”?

What can I do when someone wants more of my time, love, energy, or money than I’m comfortable giving?

These are just some of the questions that this book will address!

I wanted to send you the link for the book we will be reading. It is called Boundaries by Henry Cloud.

I have heard some great things about this book and I am looking forward to having us read it together!

Can't wait to start next week!

Louis

Day 30 Complete!

I have completed my 30 day challenge and My Miracle Morning is now a habit where I enjoy waking up at 5:30. This is a big deal for me and a significant life changing event has occurred. I have set a goal, I have completed and it feels really good. Just like life, some days went extremely well and other days could have been much better but it is completed. I have done a lot of reading and reflecting and one book has really challenged me.

I have been listening to an audiobook called, “The 48 Laws of Power,” by Robert Greene. It has revealed some things to me that I have had some difficultly in processing. It is a very good book and it is filled with great stories from history. I recommend the book with one caveat, if you start it then finish it. This book has helped me with realizing how things I have said and done may have affected others in my life.

The insights in this book have really made me rethink past experiences and current relationships in a very good way. In applying these insights to my life, I think about how I can improve my relationships and how I can replace my bad habits with new much better ones.

So now I have to figure out my next 30 day challenge. I have an idea and today is a good day to do some prep work. I am thinking that I will spend the next 30 days writing the first draft of a book that I have always wanted to write. I found that I waste my free time on youtube and facebook. Therefore, to have more time to write, I will be cutting out youtube and facebook from my life. I will continue to write any posts as updates and post them but I will not go on needless net surfing.

Thank you to everyone for your support! 

Day 25 Still going!

Central Park on Saturday

I heard something today that I never heard before.

"I hate to start a day when I have even the slightest amount of stress, anxiety, fear or worry. All of these, for me, are rubbish emotions which we have been trained to accept as normal, but they are not normal; and they actually hold you back from moving towards your goal." I always thought those emotions were normal. Many times in our society we hear things like, it's normal to feel that way, or everyone feels that way. Hearing this statement, of how negative emotions are not normal, is a challenge for me because of what I have heard the opposite my whole life.

On Saturday, I went to the Metropolitan Museum of art and they had this special exhibit called Ink Art. One of the pieces there had a powerful affect on me. It was called Family Tree.

Here is the explanation:

What is written on his face is an ancient manuscript for predicting someone's future based on their facial features. As he wrote more and more of the manuscript onto his face, he is completely lost under the ink. You no longer recognized the artist because of all the layers of writing that is on his face. I believe the same thing has happened to us. We have lost our identity, or it is difficult to discover who we are, because of the different levels of societal expectations that are placed on us. We believe the many things people have said about us. We take their words, write them on our soul and can never let go of them, especially the horrible and false comments made about us. Very few people have actually realized that they can erase the writing and chose to write something. We can write, " I am beautiful." or "I have value." or "I am a life-giving person."  If our soul is infinite then we have an infinite canvas to write anything we want to become or in which direction that we want to grow. We can always change for the better and it can start by washing our souls clean of the garbage people have said about us or what we tell ourselves.

If you could make that change today, what would you want to write about yourself?

Day 21 Tell Someone You Love Them

Spent most of the day in the hospital with my grandma who is not doing well :(

Tell someone whom you love that you love them...

Day 20 Eat that Frog Baby!

I had to spend my afternoon filing some paperwork at my job. I wanted to spend the time the best way I could and took a pen, paper, phone, headphones and went to YouTube to find an audio book. I have heard of Brian Tracy before from many different authors. They reference him as a great resource for time management. I have heard of this book from the Miracle Morning and I wanted to read this book. I spent over an hour and a half filing paperwork today and the whole time I was listening to a book on what is the best way to spend your time. The one tidbit I would like to share is what I believe is the main premise of his book.  He believes that the two greatest advantages that successful people have over others is this: they think in long term and they know how to prioritize. He says that developing the ability to look at a task and see which will produce the greatest pay off in the long term is essential to being successful. This can only happen when a person has goals already established and makes a list of all their tasks to accomplish those goals. A person who can do this has a huge advantage over other people especially when they learn to focus on tasks that have a large pay off as well as accomplishing those tasks quickly and well. 

He then goes on to say that another great skill to have is knowing how to prioritize. He says that many people who choose to be successful make that a goal that they physically write down and define what that successful goal looks like or what actions are need to complete that goal. For example if you want to be at a certain weight then write that goal down, think of all the steps needed to accomplish that goal, make a plan of action and give it a deadline. The one thing I would say different from this author's method would be that if you want to introduce a big change in your life a small step WOULD be the priority. A small step is not unimportant; it is just not as overwhelming as a huge implementation that you have not prepared yourself for yet. If one does not become open to the idea and does not have the discipline to enact a large plan then pursuing smaller steps would be better way to make yourself open to a new habit. You cannot walk up a staircase if the steps are too big. Smaller steps are much more manageable and can ensure a better chance for positive change then a massive change in one's life without proper support.

I really recommend listening to this book in your free time. It is very helpful and practical.

Day 19 Supporting Others

When I applied to the seminary I had to take a psychological test. Around that same time I became fascinated with Greek Mythology specifically with the figure of Atlas. I remember thinking, "Wouldn't it be cool if you had a pillar of the titan Atlas holding up a book; similar to a type of podium. I wanted to design that image and I ended using that design in a gift for my mother. She loved it.

So what's the connection? One of the sections of the psychological examination was to draw a picture of a man. I drew what I knew and that was Atlas. The psychologist came back to me with the results and said, "Do you have any idea how narcissistic that image was that you drew?" Needless to say I needed to work on that. I have tried to work on that by focusing on other people and where they are at in their life. Listening to other people, being with them when they laugh or suffer, being able to be vulnerable with them so they can be honest for a brief moment in their life, and ultimately just trying to be there for another human being has helped both of us tremendously.

One of the blessings from this lifestyle change I committed to over the past couple of years is that I have developed a love for supporting other people. I really enjoy that, especially when a person is sincere in their growth. I think if I had to redraw that image today it would look like the one above. It would be me trying to help someone else carry their burden that feels as heavy as the whole world.

Day 18 Don't Stop Me Now

There really is something to completing a habit for 30 days. It really does rewrite something in your brain. I see this clearly in my writing. I wrote for over 30+ days and I really enjoy writing. There are some days when I can be very tired and I do not write. On those days I feel like something is missing, like my day was incomplete. It is really interesting how this happens. I am reading a book right now that is called One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way by: Robert Maurer and it really good. 

It is about understanding our fears that arise when we are presented with change. He talks about how making a huge change can kick in our fight or flight response. He then goes on to say that Small Changes bypass the fear mechanism, but the change will still occur. It really can help if you want to change something but fall into the cycle of Change-> backing out-> Regret-> No Change. Consider changing something small and it will have a bigger impact in the long run than doing a complete 180 degrees immediately.